missbosnian:

*Writing this post requires me to admit some things about myself that I find a bit difficult to come to terms with. Therefore, I request that you please refrain from posting rude comments. :)

So, a couple weeks ago, maybe about a month ago, I received a new car from my parents. I’ve been absolutely obsessed with it and truth be told, I let it all go to my head. I feel that I became really arrogant with it, showing off my car, and pretty soon, I was showing off other things I had as well. I’ve given into the luxuries of this dunya, and have forgotten the luxuries that can flourish within a heart that has Allah (SWT). How did I realize this? Last night, I almost got into a horrible accident.

It was around 11pm, and I was one of the only cars on the road. I was driving a bit faster than usual, when I knew I shouldn’t have been - it was raining very hard and the road was more slick than usual. I turned onto the hill that led to my house without a second thought, and about halfway up the hill, my car started to slow down. I was so confused, so I told myself not to panic, and took my foot off the gas, and slowly reapplied pressure to the gas pedal. Immediately, my car pretty much started swerving back and forth and I lost control of the wheel. I didn’t know what in the world to do since there was no where I could pull over - there was no side of the road, and it was a huge hill with no railing - if I had pulled over, I could have easily gone down the hill. I kept my steering wheel straight and eventually got the car to slow down enough to make it stop swerving. I got home safely, but I was shaking the entire time. I felt sick to my stomach. 

I got into the house and immediately laid down on my bed and tried to calm myself down. That’s when it occurred to me….that entire time, I hadn’t even thought of Allah (SWT). That entire time that I was so afraid, it didn’t even occur to me to call upon Allah (SWT) to protect me. I didn’t even thank Him that I had been able to regain control of my car. 

I feel shame admitting this, but my heart has not been in the right place these days. I have been putting my heart into things that mean nothing. What will my fancy car do for me in the grand scheme of things? Will it somehow get me into Jannah? No. All it has done for me is made me become a person that I promised myself I would never become. I let myself become that person. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be distracted in my prayers. I don’t want Allah (SWT) to be my last thought in moments of need when He should be my first. While I was completely terrified and hope to never have to experience something like that ever again, I am grateful that Allah (SWT) has reminded me of the fact that I am only human. No matter how many luxuries in my life, no matter how much money, I NEED Allah (SWT). My money will not provide for me the fulfillment of the heart that only Allah (SWT) can provide. 

My dear brothers and sisters, I ask that you please keep me in your duas. I’m hoping that insha’Allah, Ramadan will help my heart come back to the right place, but I just don’t want to live in this manner a second longer. I want to change my life for the better and give my heart back to Allah (SWT). I want to be able to humble myself and make myself better. Please, please keep me in your duas. May Allah (SWT) bless you all.