Asalamu Alaikum Warahmahtullahi Wabarakatu,
I have been with this guy for over 3 years - we are both reverts to Islam, myself first and then himself. However throughout the past year we have been off and on due to his own worldly desires. Now that we have a child together, he has mentioned marriage on a number of various occasions and I want nothing more than to become Halal so that our child can be raised upon firm foundations of the Deen.
However, he has not since spoke as much about it now that the baby has arrived and only makes small references to it here and there. How does one go about to find out if his intention is genuine and pure? I do pray and make Du’a that Allahu’Alam, if he is serious then let him not procrastinate - but I just feel lost and I don’t want to return back to being in a harram relationship now that I am a mother.
I would greatly appreciate any advice from an Islamic perspective as I find it difficult to confide in someone about my situation.
Salaam; I’m honestly really sorry you’re going through such a harsh time, that must feel so completely wretched. I pray that Allah bestows much endurance and strength and blesses your child with protection and health.
I don’t think there’s much to say about his intention because his actions have undoubtedly proved how he feels about the situation. I wish there was something I could say to convince you that it’s all a mistake and he’ll come around one day, but you clearly know your situation better than I do.
It’s up to you to accept the reality of the situation, and yes, this will be hard, and come to terms with realizing that he doesn’t seem to care much about you or your child. And if you and I are wrong about that, then maybe you should sit him down like an adult and ask him what his intentions are. If you continues to disappear and doesn’t want to make the effort to be there for you and the baby, then there’s little you can do except realize that you don’t deserve that type of treatment. No one does.
Allah advises us in Quran that enjoining two partners in love and mercy is one of His infinite bounties; I’m sure that verse can be found in Surah Luqman or the surah previous to it. Also, Quran illustrates the idea that with every tribulation, ease will follow up on it. Perhaps this is your ultimate test; perhaps it’s a tribulation that Allah wants you to closer to Him, more so than ever.
Imam Ali ibn abi Talib once said that a situation that takes us away from Allah is a punishment while a situation that further attaches us to Allah is a blessing in disguise.
Don’t lose hope. Approach him and have him confess what his intentions are (but by the looks of it, he doesn’t really seem to care all that much). If he isn’t interested in your child’s future or yours, then he’s not a guy worth pursuing.
We will all keep you in your prayers. InshaAllah kheir. — Dee.