with a lot of arabs and muslims, people and men specifically speak of “honor” and especially their own personal honor. in arabic, honor is “sharaf.” honor means a lot of things. it means respect, integrity, honesty, worth, merit or rank. that’s what honor involves.
however, for some people, and I’m referring to arab and/or muslim males, it means something else entirely. this came up recently, when an incident occurred, and I finally saw my father’s true colors. unfortunately, my mother was the same, if not worse.
he was discussing his “honor” regarding my sister. my personal definition of honor with regards to my sister is, she’s my flesh and blood, she’s my one and only sister, and I’d do pretty much anything for her. my “honor” is doing whatever I can to keep her happy, safe and helping her out in whatever way I can.
his definition always has to do with his “honor” being disgraced by her, by public perception, by family rumors, by his own close minded views. it’s all about him, and it has nothing to do with her. she’s just a piece of meat, a rag doll, completely dehumanized and taken as nothing but physical matter. his honor is disgraced if people wrongly perceive she did something wrong, dressed “a wrong way” or said something they didn’t like. apparently, it has nothing to do with her actual happiness, humanity or her own definition of honor.
just recently, she told me that since she started working, he and my mother have pretty much picked out her clothes for her and they buy it for her. she goes to work early in the morning, and he’s up reading quran, but apparently always makes sure to look and see what she’s wearing to see if it’s “appropriate” even though he picked out the clothes himself. that is his definition of honor. I’m sorry, but if that’s what honor means, I want nothing to do with it. you don’t know how disgusted I am when I found this out. I was shocked, baffled and speechless. she’s a grown woman, a college graduate, someone they say they “trust completely” yet she’s not trusted to pick out her own clothes and wear what she sees fit, even though they raised her. the saddest part? my mother agrees with him.
I can honestly say I do not identify with that kind of honor, I never have and I never will. I wish I had known about what was happening earlier, because I wouldn’t have let it happen for too long. hypothetically forget the fact that she’s my sister, she’s a human being that didn’t have self autonomy; none what so ever, even though they raised her their way, yet she grew up and they still could not let go and let her make her own decisions.
I know one thing, I swear to god I will not do that to my children, especially my daughters iA.
reblogged from alscientist
originally posted by alscientist
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- egyptianafrothunder said: my dad pull this shit on me sometimes. but i always end up arguing with him and getting into a huge fight with him. I’ve learned that “honor” is preserving yourself, FOR yourself. Never for anyone else.
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- r-stern said: But, aren’t you trying to argue about this with them ? Bringing some sense in their relationship with your sister ?
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- shearticulates said: My father and I have a better relationship than before but one thing he wont let go is policing how I dress. He tells me if I didnt wear jeans etc our relationship would be flawless. So I ruin the relationship by not dressing to how he wants???
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